Changing hearts, changing lives

When a young person says, "Yes, I want a table." We think they are going to be the primary beneficiaries of the table experience.  But, when all the people around the table are open to love, walls come down and tables get longer.  People who may never have met come together to support a young person or a young family.

That is what has happened with the table described below. They love each other.  They have open hearts and open minds and they have embraced each other completely.  In a world of division and cynicism, this group has chosen to learn from each other. They celebrate Jewish and Christian holidays with each other and they learn from each other.  They have built a second family with one another. 

Please enjoy the article below written by Becky Brouman, Director of Volunteers, Community and Program Development at National Council of Jewish Women in Cleveland.

This Open Table got a little more open this Passover

Half of the 18 people sitting around Cheryl and Jack Miller’s table in Orange Village on Saturday night had never been to a Passover Seder before.  In fact, before August most of the guests had not known each other at all.
 
But in late summer, seven community members – three Jewish women from National Council of Jewish Women/Cleveland and four black members of the New Life at Calvary church – joined forces and agreed to become a “community of hope” for a young adult who had aged out of the foster care system, using a model called Open Table as their resource for helping Ebony, the young mentee, thrive. Though there Open Tables in more than 180 international cities and communities, The NCJW/Cleveland/ New Life at Calgary table is the first mixed race table in the world. In the past seven months, the group has become more than just a support system for Ebony – they have become a family. As Cheryl says “My life –and my world –has changed because of Open Table.”
 
Reading from a specially-put together Haggadah with a social justice bent, the group acknowledged the 50th anniversary of Martin Luther King Junior’s death – which fell over Passover this year – and sang about the need to continue his work of both physical and spiritual liberation. Together they read aloud the words: “We must liberate ourselves and each other from prejudice and poverty and violence and injustice”-- and together joined in the singing of Dayenu, while talking about their own gratefulness for each other.
 
 “What we have learned from countless wars and tragedies –and from Open Table -- is that when
someone is in need, we have a responsibility to help them,” Jack Miller said. The sentiment had particular resonance for him, Miller said, because both his parents were Holocaust survivors, who had lost their entire families in the war. But they had the hope and resilience and support from different communities back in the States to rebuild. “My father had me when he was 55,” he revealed.
 
It was fitting that the words were followed by the dipping of parsley into salt water. “I feel like we are absorbing each other’s tears,” table member Lori Williams said, adding:  “This is my first Seder, but I intend on coming back every year."

Voice and Choice

When you grow up in foster care, you have very little input into when you leave your family, whether you see your family, and where you will live while you are not with your family.  Imagine knowing your family is out there---and knowing you belong with them, but not being able to live with them.  Children go into foster care through no fault of their own.  The adults in their lives have all of the power.

Now fast forward to young adulthood--a time when you still need family, but the system you grew up in says you are "emancipated". In Ohio, we have passed a law that now assists young people who are 18-21 with financial support.  They have to be working or in school, but it is a good start.  The program is called Bridges to Success.

One thing we have learned from working with young adults who have come out of foster care is that they need to have a VOICE in the process.  We believe that allowing them to be the leader of their life is critical to helping them move forward into adulthood. 

When we started with creating tables, for the first two years, we did not really have all that many volunteers willing to sit on tables.  We would recruit 6-8 volunteers, and then we would match that table with a young adult.  There wasn't a lot of voice or choice. 

However, now something magical is happening.  Because we have a giant binder filled with about 125 people who have filled out volunteer applications, we are able to give young adults a choice about who they have on their table.  We meet with young adults and ask them about who they like to spend time with, what they like to spend time doing, and what their goals and dreams are for their life.  We give them a chance to VOICE what they would like to see happen with their table and with their life. 

Sometimes they cry as they share their hopes and dreams--because they have been alone and hopeless for a long time.

Sometimes their eyes light up and their smiles are wide, as they are given the space to dream big. 

Sometimes they are skeptical that this is going to be any different from all the other times people said they were going to help them, but they didn't.

But, after they read through the applications of our volunteers, they consistently say, "I can't believe there are this many good people who want to do this." For some, it is the first time they have dared to hope that there are still good people in the world.

We give them CHOICE about who they sit with around the table.  They are empowered that this is their table.  This is their team.  What we have seen is that excitement is growing and so is hope that life can be different.  We are all excited to see what happens around the table as these new tables are formed around the community. 

We have 10 new tables that will launch in the next 2-3 months with so many more on the way. 

There was some concern initially that there might not be enough young people for all the volunteers coming forward, but yesterday I met non-stop with young people daring to hope for their own team of people.  Five young people in one day. Every single one of them showed up.  Every single one of them given VOICE and CHOICE.  They are looking for support.

It was powerful to hear them, to see them, and to honor them. 

It was powerful for them to read about great people, willing to risk love, agreeing to commit to being a support, and to nurture hope.

One other question that I get almost everyday is, "How many tables can you support?"

We don't know. Now is the time to keep moving forward. How can we tell them they have to wait? We do what we can each day to keep moving forward.  It's a one day at a time movement.

We do need help.  We do need to be able to pay an administrator and at least one other full time person to help us do this work.  We will need more employees to continue to do this work.  We support the young people and the table members during their time as a table, as they are getting to know each other. We believe that support role is critical. 

How can you help us? 

You can donate money so we can hire staff and find some office space where we can meet with people interested in the work.

You can sign up to serve on a table

You can invite us to come speak at your organization and recruit some folks to love a young person. Our email is clecommunityofhope@gmail.com.

And maybe you have another way to help, feel free to share that too.  We are open to suggestions.

A longer table

What happens when you build a longer table?

When the table gets longer, exposure to new thoughts and ideas begin to grow.

When the table gets longer, the feeling of being apart of something bigger becomes a reality and the feeling of being alone in the world starts to dissipate.

When the table gets longer, there is always more room for friendship.

When the table gets longer, we begin to understand that relationship transforms all of our lives.

When the table gets longer, we begin to understand that grace isn’t just something you say before a meal, but a way of living life together.

We launched 12 new tables in the second half of 2016 and all of 2017.  There were 5 tables that had begun in the two years earlier.  We have a total of 17 tables and some of the young people have children.  In fact, there are 19 offspring represented.  As we started to think about numbers, we realized that much of the work of Open Table is around helping support young parents/families.  Young moms and dads that didn’t grow up with role models that provided them with consistent support and security.

When our 17th table got together at Mexican spot to eat some tacos and meet one another, the group is made up of neighbors and teachers and a student.  Not everyone could make it so we decided that it would be an informal gathering, but they were SO excited to meet their new young friend, that they didn’t want to wait until January.  They wanted her to know that they were excited to meet her and to begin becoming her friends.  So, we met and had a loud, laughter-filled discussion about our lives.  They shared stories about their hobbies and their jobs and their families.  Then, another table member showed up after we had come around the table, and we added chairs around the table. We squeezed in closer together.  We made room.  It was important to make space for our friends to join us. It was a great and casual beginning, and the fact that they made time to do it 4 days before Christmas communicated that this young person was important to them and they were excited to meet her and to welcome her into their lives.  They made time for what was important to them, or better stated, for WHO was important to them. 

We recently had a volunteer appreciation dinner and we brought together most of the tables.  At the end of the night, anyone who wanted to share was invited to stand and give thanks.  Our young friends and our slightly older friends shared with one another how their lives were being transformed.

Listening to the stories, I realized that one the biggest tasks of these tables is to hold a space for the stories of their young friends.  They often have few people to really listen to them.  Having 6-8 people around a table each week for an hour to just share what was happening to them, to just have people in their lives consistently was really important to our young friends.

One young mom said this:

“I hold a lot of thoughts in and I know that once a week, I can go sit with these people, who are my family and I can let it all out. And I can go with a whole new mindset and be ready for a whole new week, because I have positive people.”

Another young lady posted a few weeks ago to the Cleveland Open Table Facebook page:

“Being a part of open table has been a great experience for me thus far coming from a background where you have no one to look out for you. no one To care if you are OK or even just still alive. Let alone someone you can call and just to talk. My life has been Stressful I’m used to being the only one figuring out everything by myself for myself and my children. I got my table at the perfect time at my worst time. my table has show me that there are people “complete strangers” in fact that are willing to take you on as their own. Willing to show you a love that you may have never know. It takes a village of love, support, Positive reinforcement, and commitment to get anyone through. The open table concept has changed my life and my heart. I am no longer fighting this battle we call life alone. I am truly grateful for the ladies on my table.”

The light in me sees the light in you.

All life is interrelated…We are inevitably our brother’s keeper because we are our brother’s brother. Whatever affects one directly affects all indirectly. —Martin Luther King Jr.

At the Plain Dealer building a week and half ago, we heard from our table members.  Our committed volunteers, who sometimes start as strangers.  They too, take a leap of faith to say, I will join this table, at this time, with these people, and I will see where the journey takes us.  They understand that the young people who have grown up in foster care have not always had people looking for the light in them.  Some have been told they are not worthy, they are not enough, and they won’t amount to much.  So these volunteers come with open hearts, open minds, good humor, and leaning into the lives of others.  They are willing to try, willing to risk, willing to hold loosely to “outcomes”.

The weekly work of sitting around the table is well described by my friend, Leslie.  She wrote and read what follows, at our Plain Dealer event a few weeks ago.  She has been on 2 tables, so she knows what she is talking about.

The people who sit on tables are shining their lights on their young sisters and brothers. When we enter into this work, we realize that when we shine light on others, our light grows brighter as well. 

“First I MUST say, as others before me did, that you are a spectacular
sight. The kindness and energy in this room make the threatening clouds
overhead defenseless against your sunshine. Whether you serve on a
table now or later or find another outlet for your big heart I commend
you.

I have served on two tables and they were as different as they could be.
But what is the same is that it’s not a whole lot different than meeting
dear friends or your family around your table! We come to enjoy, to
share, to listen, to laugh, to cry, to support. While talking, characters
show up; demand attention, characteristics arise, opinions and passions
get expressed: stories get told. You wait for a chance to understand. It’s
complicated in the way that ANY CLOSE FRIENDSHIP IS. Last year
our sister struggled to make a connection with our Table Family. Then
her young half sister was killed in an automobile accident. We held her
as she sobbed and she shared a picture she had of the two of them. When
we found out about the funeral several of us decided to go and we also
decided, because of something she had said, to make a tee shirt with that
picture on it and take it to her at the service. That gesture, simple to us,
meant the world to her. We made a connection. It did not fix everything.
It wasn’t a game-changer but I would suspect she will remember that
small act of kindness for years to come and enable her to trust just a little
more.

At the end of my favorite yoga class, like most yoga teachers, my teacher
says Namaste and HER particular translation of that word is: may the
light and love in you shine and inspire the light and love in others.

That is how I view serving on a table–we are search lights, flash lights,
laser beams, street lights, night lights, and even neon lights. We meet a
fellow being who like each and every one of us, needs support: unconditional, non-judgmental attention.

The tricky part is that though we and they are in need, accepting that kind of caring is not always easy. I see our role on a Table as shining that light: in daylight or
nightlight, at home or in the street, gently or targeted as a laser. Our job
is to help our sister or brother to find and love the light within them. We
need to believe that it still burns no matter what circumstances have
caused it to flicker or even go out. We sit by their side, we dine, we
struggle with issues, we create new opportunities. We light paths they
have never even considered traveling. We do not impose our ways or
will. We sit at that table with humility holding our flashlight on their
countenance and trying in every way we can to bring forth THEIR
LIGHT, their talents, skills, strengths and dreams and then to hold up a
mirror for them to see what has ever been there.

You all have experienced your own and others in your lives AH HA
moments. There are few greater joys to share. That is what Open Table
is to me: finding those AH HA’s and the joy they generate and knowing
that the love you shared inspired. And then there is the additional joy in
knowing that your understanding and; heart will be paid forward some
time, some place, some where.” (Leslie Kleinman, author, table member, amazing human)

For more information, fill out Indication of Interest form.

What happens when a city rises up?

 

A movement of hope has begun. 

A nonprofit is born. 

Community of Hope Inc. was created to help build sustainability and to expand the number of youth/families that receive support through The Open Table model here in Cleveland. We are in the process of becoming a 501c3 with the help of our attorneys.

What is Community of Hope?  Our mission is to build lasting relationships, nurture hope, and restore dignity by creating family-like relationships for Cleveland’s youth.

How will we impact Cleveland? As a result of our work, we believe that youth impacted by poverty will no longer be invisible or marginalized in Cleveland. There will be a decrease in loneliness, homelessness and joblessness among the youth we serve, resulting in a reduction in the loss of human potential in our city and a lasting reduction in the exposure to adverse experiences for the children of young parents we serve.

Community of Hope will license the Open Table model and work to expand services by hiring staff, raising up volunteer leaders, and expanding the number of tables that are created and supported.  We want every young person who has been impacted by foster care or homelessness—who wants a table—to have one, and with only 2 people working full time on this right now, our ability to do this work in a timely fashion will be hampered, if we don’t build some infrastructure.

We will also need to find a place to house staff, have organizational and training meetings, and host events.  We are looking for a place downtown or close to downtown so that east, west and south side folks can all come together and meet with our young people who want tables.

After the event last week, and all of the different stories that Cleveland.com has published, the community has really responded.  We have received over 130 emails from people interested in serving on tables.  Then, on the night of the event over 135 people filled out response cards wanting to sit on tables.  There were also 12 people who heard about the 2,100 children in foster care and the over 400 children in Cleveland waiting for adoption and said that they wanted to learn more about how to foster or adopt. The interest keeps pouring in and MetroHealth Hospital has also decided to help get involved and expand the model to serve more people in Cleveland.

How can you help?

If you are interested in volunteering, please complete this volunteer form. 

If you want to know more about our work, please complete this indication of interest form.

If you want to send us an email and offer your help in another way, feel free to contact us at: clecommunityofhope@gmail.com.

Visible Hope

The Plain Dealer held an event February 21st, 2018 that brought about 250 people together to hear about the power of implementing a model that brings people together to help transform lives and our community.  We had the privilege of hearing from three articulate young adults who were brave enough to share their stories with us.  For those who could not attend, we thought we would share one of the powerful stories.  This is the story of becoming visible after a lifetime of feeling invisible.  Tiara received a standing ovation at the end of her time and after you read her powerful words, you will understand why:

“My name is T and I’m here to share with you why I, as a young adult think Open Table is so important and how it has affected my life. I have chosen to read my story to limit my mistakes,  because I have never been seen, or heard by this many people.

First a little background, life has always been chaotic.  Being in and out of foster care every aspect has been on the move.  Where I lived.  Who I knew.  Who I was.

 Circumstances made my childhood— a blurry memory in a sea of struggle, confusion, and responsibility. I had to grow up fast and learn to fill many shoes that there was no time to grow into.  But they had to be filled.  So, I filled them.

After graduating high school and starting life on my own most of my roles as a caretaker for the younger kids I lived with went away. There was no one to order me around.  No one to take care of.  No one to protect. It was me, just me.  But who was I?  I was invisible.  Floating through life with no one to care for me, and no one for me to care for. No one to see me.

I was invisible and I was alone.

Any faith I may have still had in family, in friends, in humanity was gone.

And then…The YWCA found me. They saw me and took me in from the shelter and started to give me everything I believe I would never have.  They put me in my first apartment and provided the resources and care I needed to really learn how to live and maintain life on my own.  It’s where I met the people that inspire me.  Where I met my mentor Rev. Beverly Johnson. With their help, I learned to take care of myself and with their help I brought by beautiful son into a healthy, loving environment.  Something I always dreamed of. With their help I learned I had the tools I needed to become an independent young woman.

So I graduated again.  I got my second apartment in the community for my son and I and a good job.  But, old friends, invisibility, and loneliness soon crept back in and made themselves at home.  But I kept going.  I have no choice.  My son depended on me now.

It was only after a series of unfortunate events: losing my job, my house burning down, my mom diagnosed with cancer, and taking custody of my three youngest sibling—I finally reached my breaking point.  I needed help.  And thankfully I was able to return to the YWCA and that’s when Beverly introduced me to Open Table.  She explained it’s a community of people whose main goal would be to help me.  I must admit I was skeptical at first. “These people that don’t know me PAID to talk to me? PAID to help me?”  But I figured why not I have nothing to lose.

Since Open Table has become a part of my life it has been nothing less than an eye opening experience.  To sit with a group of strangers is needless to say scary.  After feeling invisible for so long its terrifying! But to find out these strangers aren’t like the many of “others” I’ve known is amazing!  They’re not driven by profit or gain.  They are not punching the clock waiting for the hour to be over. They are there because they want to be. Because they want to help. They want to care about me.  ME…It’s scary. It’s new. But it’s Great!

We have only known each other for 6 months but we have done and learned so much together.  They are there to help me with everything.  My family, my goals. But they are also there when I just need to vent.  Just to listen.  They take interest in all that is me.  It’s awesome.

The reason Open Table is important to me is because it gave me hope.  Hope in this world and in people—that good still exists.  That we can still be family.  Brothers and sisters!  No matter where we come from or how we group up.  It gives me hope that every child can be heard. Be seen. It gives me hope that every foster child has a family an Open Family. An Open Table.

As I look out tonight at all of you: I am visible.  I have hope. And that is beautiful.  I hope to sit where you sit someday and have the privilege to be the difference.

Thank you.”

People are stepping forward from all walks of life to say, yes, I will come to the table.  There is still room for more folks, but give us some time to get organized.  It will take a few months to really get everyone where they belong and match table members with young people.  As you hear from Tiara, it is a sacred process that cannot be rushed, but it also cannot be delayed.

If you are interested, feel free to complete this short Indication of Interest form. We will get back to you with more information.

If you want to watch the entire presentation click here.

Hope Around the Table

“I am convinced men hate each other because they fear each other, and they fear each other because they don’t know each other, and they don’t know each other because they are often separated from each other.”-Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

What is The Open Table model?

When people hear “Open Table” they think of the restaurant reservation application we use on our phones.  However, in Cleveland it is also a national faith-based model that we are using to change the lives of young adults between the ages of 18-27 who grew up in foster care and aged out without being adopted or reunified with family.  

In January of 2014, the founder of the model came to Cleveland and a few churches licensed the model and we began planning the launch of our first tables. We have engaged churches, faith-based organizations, businesses and nonprofits–like the YWCA of Greater Cleveland and the National Council of Jewish Women.  By forming partnerships with individuals and organizations, we are recruiting a diverse pool of committed volunteers.  The model is now rapidly expanding thanks to the support of Cuyahoga County Children and Family Services.  The government support has been critical to engaging volunteers from all around our community. Our ultimate goal is to be able to offer any young person who has been impacted by foster care a small community of mentors willing to help them organize their goals and dreams and move forward with support. 

What happens when you leave foster care?

Leaving foster care at 18+ does not typically result in good outcomes.  Young people are not equipped to survive alone in the world and if they were not given permanency–either through reunification with family or through adoption, they leave care alone in the world.  In Cleveland, we have around 100 young people who “age out” of the system with little guidance about what comes next in their lives.  They have experienced trauma from their life experiences and they often have higher rates of homelessness, mental health problems, incarceration, and early parenting–compared to their peers who have permanent connections because of their families.

What does The Table look like?

Open Table creates small communities of people, usually 6-8 volunteers we call “table members”.  They agree to spend a minimum of 1 hour a week for a year with the young person we call “brother/sister”. They each take a role, although they all work together on each area of interest towards whatever goals the brother or sister wants to accomplish. This commitment builds trust and relationship between the brother/sister and his/her table members.  Relationship is the driver of change in this model.  Mutuality is also an important component.  They aren’t our clients or our patients or our projects–they are our friends. We look at them as the experts on their own lives.  We also believe in sharing our lives with them.  We have dinner together, go to the movies, celebrate holidays and birthdays, go to family weddings, make cookies, go to games, and enjoy spending time together around a table.

Volunteers pay a small fee to sit on the table, and for many of our young people, table members are the first people in their lives who are not paid to be there.  The fact that table members pay a small amount to sit on the table sends a powerful message to the young person.  They are worth the time of strangers.  People are willing to pay to be in their lives and help them, because they believe in their potential and want to support them in reaching their dreams.

We have 21 tables for young adults in Cleveland.  We decided that as we create more tables, we wanted to hear more from our youth about what the tables mean to them.  After interviewing the young adults about what they thought the mission and vision for Cleveland Open Table should be, we developed the following statements defining and driving the work from their words.

The mission of the Cleveland Open Table Initiative

Cleveland Open Table Initiative is a faith-based partnership model which creates small communities of hope where young adults who have experienced foster care connect weekly with a committed group of volunteer mentors.  Young people look forward to coming to The Table because it is a place of peace and belonging.  The youth-led partnership promotes new experiences through action, love and lasting relationships.

The vision of our work

This statement was taken from an interview with a young lady with a table, and we believed it fit for both the young person and the community members around the table.

“At the end of The Table, I don’t want to be in the same position.  I want my life to be changed because of my relationships with my Table.”

Cleveland is a community of hope

There are a lot of great things happening right now in our city.

Cleveland, as a city, is filled with eternally optimistic people.  People that want to make our community better.  Young people are our future and young people who have grown up without families, need our help and deserve our investment.  We might not be able to end fiscal poverty in the first year of our time together, but we will end relational poverty.  They will not be alone in the world, after they begin their table. We believe this is the first step to helping to improve the outcomes for our young people.  Our table members have networks and connections in the community that they leverage to try to improve opportunities for their brother/sister.  We believe that one hour at a time, one person at a time–all of our lives are changed for the better.

We would be thrilled to tell you more about this movement and how you could support our work.  We are a community of hope, and hope is contagious.   We would love to welcome you around the table as well, so if you want to find out how you or your organization can be a part of this movement of hope, please contact CLEcommunityofhope@gmail.com.

Over the next year, we will be sharing stories of transformation and hope of how lives are being changed around Cleveland.